Scandals
by Artemis Graymalkin
Summary: The cleaning witch at the Leaky Cauldron tells what she sees!
1. teachers and the things they teach

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter in any way, shape or form. It belongs to J.K. Rowling – but I like to play with them. This is my first fanfic and I would appreciate any feed back. Thanks!

Chapter One: Teachers and the things they teach

Most people will think that my job is boring. Most days I wouldn't blame you either. I'm the cleaning witch at the Leaky Cauldron, Diagon Alley. That's in London. Of course, you already know that. It being in London, I mean, not about me being a cleaning witch. My name's Emily Willow-wand. Nice to meet you. Like I was saying, you probably think that my job is dull but... well, you should see the things that I see. I shouldn't really tell you anything because the thing is – we are meant to be discreet. We're not meant to say what we see. Thing is what is the point of having good gossip if you can't share it with people. Anyway, it's only you and you aren't going to tell anyone are you?

The first thing that you should know is that all the teachers at Hogwarts are not as... professional as they should be. Oh, I remember when I was at that school (yes, I went there... not all people who go there are destined for the Ministry. Some of us have to do the normal stuff). Anyway, I thought all the teachers were completely untouchable and that they never did anything wrong. Perhaps they don't ... but I can think of one who has some very dodgy "extra curricular activities" which I don't remember being on the schedule when I was there.

Professor Severus Snape – tall, dark, handsome... this kind of mysterious something about him... strong arms and this way of walking that he is just masterful. Doesn't smile much but I like to call that brooding, rather than grumpy, brooding and manly...sorry, where was I? Got distracted! Oh, yeah! He is always here and I am telling you something for nothing, it isn't because he is always shopping in Diagon Alley. He always comes here during the holidays to give extra lessons... to some girl. What is she called? Short, frizzy hair? Bit bucked teeth? Hermione Granger... that's it! Heard him call after her a while ago... she left something behind in his room. Dread to think what! She comes here for all these "extra potions lessons". I asked around and she is completely this little whizz witch and she is no way needed the extra lessons. Anyway, they ain't always that discreet and I've seen them kissing when she leaves – after she has stayed all night, mind you. Don't know about you but, well, I think that she was doing more than studying... an "all night study session"? Yeah right!

The thing is... this Professor Snape is a bit of a stud. I was asking around the other girls here and they said this girl isn't the only one who comes to see him. There is a married woman as well, called Malfoy and she is always here too! And he flirts with all the girls who work here... does this whole "I am completely uninterested in you but am completely flirting every time I speak" thing. He has been known to make my knees go weak from time to time! One of my friends from school - she works for the Ministry now, she says he used to try it on with her when we were there. Personally I think she is the one who did the chasing - its all Snapey this and Snapey that. Snapey, she calls him and that just worries me! Little bit disturbing. She's a nice girl, just a little "special".

The other oneyou should watch out for is McGonagall. She was all reserved and strict when I was at school and I used to be so scared of her. I'll tell you something though - she can drink any of the warlocks that come in here under the table. I've seen her dancing on the tables too, come to that, whirling her cloak over her head and singing some songs that even I haven't heard before - and using some words that I had to look up (and you wouldn't think someone like her would know words like that). A right little raver is McGonagall - one firewhisky and she is well away!

Anyway, teachers are relatively dull - but some of the students there are fun! Do you want to hear? Oh, ok then!


	2. Mayhem at the Ministry

Chapter Two: Mayhem at the Ministry.

I know that I said that I would tell you about the students from Hogwarts that we get here and I will - but it's going to have to wait. There's been a few odd goings on around here - with the people that come and go and I think I should tell you about that first.

We get a fair few of the Ministry through these doors by the way. We are quite famous actually... here at The Leaky Cauldron. You might think we are only this little dingy place but my, oh my, we get everyone here.

The one which we get a lot is the new Minister of Magic, Rufus Scrimgeour. He used to come here all the time when he wasn't the big, high and mighty. He used to be the head of the Auror department... wow, that is a really cool job, being out there and fighting. I'd be no good because, well, I am a big girl's blouse and scream at house elves suddenly appearing. I'd be rubbish out in the field – I'd give everyone away. Or wet meself which would be dead embarrassing for everyone involved.

Yeah, so, this Scrimgeour, he used to come here at all these funny times of the day... sometimes coming on for midnight. Fair enough I used to think because Aurors keep these funny hours what with all the tracking and the sneaking and the...whatever it is they actually do. However...the thing is, I asked Tom why he is always so late turning up and Tom gave me this wink and nod and said "You keep your mind on your cleaning, Em, my girl. You don't want to be sticking your nose into that business. Dark business that. You want to stay clear." Don't know about you but that sounds pretty... dodgy. I can understand avoiding it because Auror business can be a bit scary but... dark business? That sounds like more than the usual hoity-toity ministry business to me. I could never get Tom to tell me anything else and I decided that he thought it really was too dangerous. Tom's been here for years and, well, he can spot trouble a mile away. Thing is though... that man is Minister for Magic now. He's basically running us. I just... if he was dangerous when he was just an Auror... what can he do now he's in charge? That really worries me. I'm only a chamber maid but... sometimes I worry that I should tell someone. Who would listen to me?

Sometimes I hear things like that and it really gets me down. Other days are amazing though... like yesterday. One of the Aurors came in, her and her boyfriend, and they were planning their wedding. She is called Tonks and is really sweet. She always has time to talk to the girls who work here – although to be fair, we don't let her near the crockery. Nice girl but not that delicate. We go through more plates when she is here than we usually do in a week. Her fiancée is a funny one though. He seems like he is really nice and everything but...there's always something...else about him. Like he's sad or scared. When they were in here this week, she was showing him this book of designs for her dress and he was smiling and happy and everything but when she said something about the date... he got funny, kind of grumpy looking and said that they would be really careful that they got it right because he didn't want to have to go away straight after the wedding. I don't know what he meant by that but... she just nudged him and told him to stop worrying. She seems as though she might be good for him... cheer him up or something.

Sometimes we get Cornelius Fudge in. I used to think he was a pompous git because he used to come in and demand a private room and service here and now, just because he was the guy in charge. Things is... I don't think he was ever in charge. I always think he was doing the job and asking anyone around him what he was meant to be doing. Now he isn't even in the ministry... not what I'd call "in". He is something like "Advisor to the Minister" or some nonsense. Tom reckons that means telling Scrimgeour where the new quills are when he needs one – he doesn't need Fudges help. Anyway, when he comes in, you can't help but feel a bit sad for the old bugger. He always talks to us and tries to tell us how great he used to be. Personally think he is going a little bit... ya know... loopy, senile...old. He winces whenever you mention Scrimgeour as well which ain't good.

Anyway, all in all, I reckon the whole ministry is falling apart. Not the best of times really what with You-Know-Who running around, causing trouble all over. He's a right mischief maker that one and no mistake. Calling himself Lord this and Dark that. Honestly, that's like me calling myself Headmistress of Hogwarts – ideas above my station... although that wouldn't half be a hoot. Me being in charge of Hogwarts... can you imagine? Wouldn't do Potions... I was always rubbish... but like I said before, we might should keep hold of that Professor Snape... he is too dishy to let go. I'd find a use for him...

Sorry, miles away. Yeah, so, I reckon the Ministry ain't half what it's cracked up to be. Loadsa room for improvement – must try harder. (Sounds like my old school report... I think me old mum gave up hoping for a genius when my first report came back telling her that I was doing very well in Transfiguration and would be getting really good grades if I could actually transfigure what I was aiming for and not a class member. In my defence, the girl who got hit looked better with a willow pattern on her face – she was dead ugly). I reckon me and the girls should go and sort out the Ministry. If we can deal with a load of drunk warlocks on a Friday night after a Quidditch final – we can sort out that place. No worries.

Anyway, I reckon we will have a new Minister of Magic soon. The way he is going, I reckon that Harry Potter will be the youngest Minister ever... you mark my words! Oh, that Harry Potter... he's wonderful. I'll tell you all about our fan club soon – its very high class and we have some spies on the inside if you know what I mean. Dedicated, that's us!

I got to go now though. Can't stand around chatting all day – mainly because some warlock just threw up on the downstairs bar. Apparently Chudley Cannons are doing really well this season... and he drank a load of carrot juice in the hope of turning orange just like them. It didn't work well but he did make a lovely colourful waterfall when he threw up. I never said this job was glamorous. See ya soon, ducks. Love and all.


End file.
